You stand inside a fortress

Or, rather, a maze of walls erected

To protect your heart at the center

Like a prize in some ancient quest.

And as with any legendary trial

The closer I come to discovering where you stand

The higher, stronger, more impenetrable the walls-

The more puzzling the riddles-

The more you turn away

You let me in

Close to your reality

But only so far

Then you turn away

As if, for reasons you alone can know,

We were still strangers in those first awkward moments.

You pull me close,

So close that I can feel your self-ness

Begin to smother me and I can hardly breathe.

Yet just as quickly

You push me away

Till I am teetering on the abyss of not knowing you at all.

© 1997

I am frozen,

closed,

unyielding to your touch.

Bound by chains

of faith,

of trust,

of promises I'd sooner forget.

Beneath this surface-glaze,

Opaque and still

As the stone atop a tomb,

My soul batters against this prison wall

Till, beaten, bloody, it slumps exhausted within this locked chamber

Only to rise again to hammer uselessly against unyielding stone.

And so too, my heart

Screams the pain until I cannot bear the sound

Of its howling frustration.

No one hears.

No one sees.

No one knows.

I know-

Here inside this protecting shell-

I know.

I long to break free,

To smash the walls to dust,

To free my heart and soul to live.

I dare not.

Promises, obligations, commitment,

All conspire to keep me here.

If I had known

But who can tell future?

© 1993

Meeting

How will I ever look into your eyes

And not reveal what lies in mine?

A soul that yearns, a heart that cries,

A love that would burst forth and shine.

How will I ever stand and face

You, and not reveal how strong

These feelings are which now I place

Safe across this distance long?

How will I ever find a way

To keep my heart behind this wall?

When I know each word you say

Will rock my will, till it must fall?

If I must look into your eyes,

Will there still be room for lies?

© 1993

They'll say I didn't know you well,

So why should I feel pain?

Hardly ever talked to you.

Never really met.

"Life goes on" is what I'm told

So why waste time on tears?

Whats to do,

Whos to see,

Wheres to go,

So why waste time on tears?

Only words exchanged between

Few and often light

But words reveal the soul beneath-

Too little, now too late.

I feel the pain-

The loss-

The grief-

The hollow place within.

For one as you who I called "friend"-

I will find time for tears.

© 1992

This rain is soft and gentle.

A mist of spring and life.

I need a storm come raging

To fill this empty night.

Gray clouds and quiet droplets

Are not enough- not now.

Lightning, thunder, wind-howl

To match this tortured soul.

Dark thoughts and pain surround me,

Not soft and gentle light.

This loss, this grief controls me:

Tears I haven't cried.

Yet gentleness would suit you,

So it will be enough

To help me find the memories

And say one last good-bye.

© 1992 

Though you and I can never be-

At least for now,

For here.

My heart is yours forever more,

My love, my life, my tears.

I dream each night...

I feel your touch,

We are as one at last.

Caresses soft at first and then

Stronger, urgent, fierce-

I wake

and feel one single tear

where dreams had left a kiss.

I thought that distance would abate

This love still unfulfilled.

It grows, it grows,

It tears my heart-

And dreams are not enough.

© 1992

Do you ever think of me?

Ever spare a thought?

Or am I just a memory

Almost, not quite, forgot?

In your early morning hours

With sleep still in your eyes

Does, sometimes, just a thought of me

Greet a new sunrise?

And later, as you spend your day

In tasks both large and small,

Am I sometimes there with you,

A shadow on the wall?

When evening sends its dusky hues

To hasten day to end,

Do you ever wish that I

Were more to you than friend?

As you end your day with sleep

Suspended, lost in time,

Do you find me in your dreams

As I find you in mine?

© 1992